My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
