just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
