I look better un-naked...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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