I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
