Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
