The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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