It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
