Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
