C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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