How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
