but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
