from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
did i just pee glitter
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize