Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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