i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
