My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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