I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize