It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
