What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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