He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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