I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
