Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
