dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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