walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
