I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
please come you make the beer taste better
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
