my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
it glows. i had to have it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
