dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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