i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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