He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
