so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize