I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
