We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
