babies were throwing up all over the place
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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