This dress was meant to end up on your floor
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
