there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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