Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I looked at my own cervix.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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