I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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