I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
