The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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