pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The struggles of a small town man whore
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
