Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I want to be your penis for a week.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
