ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
