this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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