He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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