The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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