pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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