Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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