I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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