you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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