girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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