Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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