I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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