I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
