Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
