I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
