Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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