I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
