Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
