never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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