i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
