you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
