My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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