pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
