She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
