Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
