Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
