Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
