here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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