I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
