Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
