how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
