I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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